I have come to a conclusion – my life is passing me by while I wait for things to get better. I’ve got everything on hold waiting for the ‘right’ moment when it will all suddenly make sense and my purpose will shine, clear and unimpeded, ahead of me.
I’m tired of being on hold. I’m tired of trying to deal with all the old stuff before I move on to the new stuff. Unless a great big RESET button appears to wipe away all the past mistakes, regrets, half finished jobs and mishandled opportunities, I’m squandering my future as I try to mend my past.
So, this is my line in the sand. From today, it’s all going to be different.
I don’t think everything is suddenly going to fall into place because I’ve decided to stop dithering and procrastinating, but I’m determined to put a few things right from today onwards. The muddled up past can get sorted out as I go (or not).
There are still lots of issues to sort out in the background, but I’m determined to make an effort to focus on the kinds of positive, interesting, quirky, entertaining things that make me smile or think (or even both at the same time if I’ve had enough sleep and a sufficiently large shot of sugar).
So, from today, writing for my blogs and elsewhere is part of my ‘taking time for myself and choosing to be productive and positive’ therapy. I will stop waiting for the blog renovations to take place and will instead start posting regularly so that when the cyber facelift finally happens, there might actually be some readers about to notice. I will continue to write for Kids Book Review, Suite101 and Happychild online as well as Newcastle’s Child in print and I will happily consider offers from elsewhere for freelance writing contributions.
The time has come to stop making excuses and stop letting guilt and regrets hold me back. The journey forward starts with one step, and I’m taking that one step today.